Building Self-Respect Albeit Self-Imprisonments

Ego suggests, “I am,” through a complex system of judgments and misjudgments about oneself through one’s and other’s perceptions of one’s image. Self-respect suggests, “I am,” through a more informed, yet often misjudged assumption of one’s social, spiritual, and categorical worth.

I believe self respect should be born of the naked human being. It has been said to truly know oneself is to strip oneself of earthly possessions; to mine one’s faults, imperfections, ideals, ethics, and moral standards, without the weight of earthly imprisonments, is to have better chance of discovering true character and true spirit from the rubble.

Barren, we get to know who we are; we get to experience our infected character; as we become comfortable with nakedness the infected character begins to vanish. I have witnessed very few human beings who have made it all the way through this transition; like myself, most are caught between having a glimpse of who they truly can be and having difficulty loosening their grasp of what is not important.

What I do know for sure is that true character, if left in charge, can allow gathering of earthly possessions in an ethical manner. Religions attempt to teach this; however, many fall far from the lesson’s intentions. The problem is that when people gather they tend to begin comparing and contrasting each other’s earthly values.

The power of possessions and earthly influences can be overwhelming to a weak spirit; as I can attest.

So, where does self-respect come into play? Self-respect, I believe, is built from true spirit and character. Self-respect comes from the naked person, unbound by earthly possessions and earthly status. Self-respect is a product of knowing one’s true character, spirit, and moral being.

Do we easily get there?

-Nope.

Do we ever get there?

-Probably not, especially while being earth-bound.

Then why try?

-Because every attempt makes us better people who have a chance of living a happier life. Every time we talk, think, or write about it, we open thought and conversation, which alters negative and supports positive behavior.

I truly believe that every time I get closer to my spirit I become a better person; every time I become a better person I know a little more about what self-respect means.

However, I have a long journey ahead.

Stating and Communicating Needs

Communicating by expressing one’s needs is difficult and most often misinterpreted when using “we” or “you” statements. When I sense a lack of something in my life and have identified the person who is in control of that need, I tend to naturally want to say, “You need to give me what I need.”

-You need to pay more attention to me.
-You need to give me more money.
-You need to let me do more things on my own.

These types of statements, although communicating real needs, don’t always go over well with the receiver. An innuendo or insinuation is made,which the receiver perceives as not doing his or her part in fulfilling your needs. Whereas in reality, you need more than what the giver perceives.

One may try to repair this problem by introducing “we” statements. These do work; however, as some of us may have experienced, when using “we” statements to communicate with overwhelmed or insecure persons, they can have the same irrational effect as “you” statements.

-We need to talk about our relationship.
-We have a problem with how our money is being spent.
-We need to pay more attention to each other.

These statements may seem like good means to communicating shared feelings; however, one’s feelings tend to be unilateral.

So, how does one express need? Essentially, one should communicate needs by expressing from his or her unique perspective with an “I” statement.

- I need some attention.
- I need more money.
- I would like to go over our budget.
- I want to spend more time with you.
- I want to communicate more effectively with you.

“I” statements communicate our individual needs without impeding on the viewpoints of others. They begin communication by expressing one’s individualized viewpoint and giving others a chance to offer assistance, express their own views, and correlate feelings toward an outcome that works for both parties.