When Giving Isn’t

I recently heard of a person making the statement, “I don’t give unless I know the person is going to make use of it.” Seems like a perfectly logical harmless statement…right? Let’s take a closer look and study how we, ourselves, think about giving. 

First, one must consider true charity is giving without purpose; one gives because he or she finds a spiritual connection to doing what is right. Second, let’s assume that true giving is without attachment; one gives because it is right and with little or no regard to what a person is going to do with the gift. 

Whoa!!!! Wait a minute! Am I saying that I shouldn’t be concerned with how my gift is going to be used? Well kind of. I think it is okay to gift with intention of improving a person’s quality of life, but that is where the giving intention should stop. 

On an organizational level it is probably a good idea to make sure one’s gift does actually go to the person who we are intending to improve life; otherwise, we are likely feeding some corporate need. However, is that all bad? Are we not improving someone’s life? Well…yeah…but. But, we should have the say for whom to we give. Remember, our intention should be not only to give, but also to improve. Pay close attention to the word "intention." It is up to the receiver to use what we give to improve his or her life. 

Beyond the act of giving, with our hands still on the gift we are merely feeding our own egotistic or controlling desires. In other words, let go of the gift! True charity is giving not auditing. Have you ever wondered why some world charity organizations have resorted to letting subscribers buy a cow, goat, or bale of straw for a person in need? Perhaps this is to perpetuate the process which most of us think about giving…giving with control. The organization would likely better serve its clients by having more control of how incoming money is spent. However, some need a form of attachment to their giving.

Why do we want to control our gifts? I tend to think it is because we hold a belief that what is ours is ours of our own accord and that ownership gives us some sentiment to how it gets used. This misconception tends to overlook the processes by which we obtain our own gifts…through the plight and charity of others. Nothing in this world is truly ours; we obtain through our connection with others. It soon becomes obvious that some were given gifts greater than others. 

I have discussed with friends the notion of giving without reward; that is giving when the receiver know nothing about who made the gift; giving when no one knows you have given. Try sometime to tip the coffee person when his or her back is turned; realize the feeling of loss when there is no personal reward in the gift. I tend to think when I can accomplish such a feat, I will know what true charity is. Which is quite a challenge when one’s giving is based on egotistical reward or control.

-Muto